I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. I have some gear so ill start practicing without rest. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. I experience a few highs but many low points in life. But obviously, they think I am. I think part of me is always looking to die. I had two older Bros, the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? Conversely, many parents of C students believe that their kids are less than apt and intelligent, telling them to aspire lower as they are not ever going to be successful. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. Set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 20, 2018: Are you the oldest of a large/very large family? they are the only things i would care for. Are good grades more important than being nice? They are abusive & toxic. Instead they were far too often sordid and filled with a sort of silent emotional fury. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. My parents were quite pushy about grades with my brothers. Guest But when I get told that and try to do what I want I get a "No John, that's a terrible idea." Instead, parents should encourage their children to develop a sense of independence and respect their authority at the same time. The first therapist was more faith/spirit minded. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. Correction and discipline are not meant to demoralize children and to make them feel less than what they are. She is a small minded, petty person-IGNORE her! Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 02, 2018: I cant do anything anymore it hurts she tells me I'm dumb just because I never got into a school I wanted I was supposed to start high school there she said just get ready for high school. Avoid them! Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. Answer: Maybe you feel responsible for your sibling. What should I do? is responded to with "when will you get an A in math?". And yet I'd be. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 25, 2018: Follow YOUR dreams, your mother is a soul destroying person. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . I bombed the second time around, nerves. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. God forbid that they should make mistakes. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. Ever since i was a child i had developed depression because i was always in such a negative space. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. What do I do? Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. But when I was on the baseball team my dad was manager my mom team mom. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! But an under-achiever. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . When they win a baseball game, there are loud cheers. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. This has ruined a career, now I have to retrain for something else. Her mother never gave that to her. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. You don't need such people in your life. Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. Pretty damn poor family. Sick of It. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. So fuck it, lol. Say so. Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). Discuss her concerns w/her. They are toxic, even evil. We want to hear from you! I am passive, I think everyone else has more power. And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. I'm not saying it isn't tradgid, I'm asking how you can be surprised. I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). My mother never was used to hugs or praising. Not to even mention my life outside work. But, now I am older and see the world different. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. Such as overspending? I went to university despite her and worked in the IT sector. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. They're not there to make your life worse. I've had my body taken advantage of multiple times by multiple people. I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! i would really appreciate the feedback and the suggestions of what i should do Etc.. umm, here's what i did, im old though and idk if you can still get away with this. Anxiety In Teenagers: What Should Teens And Parents Know? Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. but of course.. i got a big X. but it didnt matter to me because i know that im good in that subject. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. for the childish thing, yes i am childish but can you really blame me? You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative. A child's GPA is not always an accurate reflection of their innate intellectual capacity. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. That would have made me confident, today! Did you get a good grade they forgot to praise? I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). I wasn't able to have a childhood after, I believe i had a third sibling? I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. They never practiced with me. Question: Why do I feel so guilty when my father points out my siblings flaws? I'm just frustrated. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. I was 15 loosing hair to stress. Adults are just perverts to kids. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. I got to see them again after a month. That was embarrassing to me as what could I have done ?! She essentially tells me I'm wasting my time and money by pursuing anything musical. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. I knew that my mam wasnt the best but I think I really understand it now. I'd keep trying until I die. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. My parent (s) do support my learning, my mom especially . Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. You can't learn if you don't try. We are right back to where we started. After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. So I was destined to be a servant. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. A good strategy is to encourage children to develop their own personalities and voice. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. These parents contend that they own their offspring. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? I don't know what's wrong with me. All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. Many parents fail to realize this. I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. These are the books we're crushing on this winter, 6 valuable lessons we learned from the Frog and Toad books, The difference between young adult and new adultand why it matters, Your step-by-step schedule for the ultimate New Year's Eve, 5 holiday dessert recipes you need to start making every year, 5 things to consider in your college search, Affordable birthday gifts your bestie will love, How to *actually* get stuff done when you're tired. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. My mom is not as bad as my dad. (i'm the eldest) i also remember trying to open up to my mother but that didn't end well either. I believe in you and I don't even know you! While some dreams are not based in reality and are unlikely to happen, the commitment to a positive approach to accomplishing tasks is a critical skill for a child to learn. It's so frustrating and demoralizing. , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. She went and sulked on me for days. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. He obviously loves you. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. I'm so shy but I refuse to blame my parents because they thought they were helping me. I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. No counselor/psychologist. my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. They feel powerless and that others are more powerful than they are. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. Some parents want their children to be physically/emotionally flawless. I hesitate to feel proud of myself ever because in scared that my parents won't look at it to be proud of. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. But for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact. Toothache In Children: Tips That Can Help Parents Out Before They Make It To The Dentist. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. Your official late-to-the-game guide to K-Pop, Taylor Swift made an appearance at The 1975's concert that has us quaking, TikTok fashion trends you should look out for this winter, 4 things your period *definitely* won't stop you from doing, 4 ways to feel better when you have a cold, Your guide to creating the ultimate long-distance relationship playlist, How to tell if you're crushing on your girl BFF, The perfect to-go cups to keep your drink warm, WIN! What should I do? head wounds ! (My parents make me feel dumb.). There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. But it's not enough for them!!! "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. I get a 96 she gets mad at me. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. Joint counseling will get issues out in the open. Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 03, 2020: Talk to a trusted relative about this. Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. My parents were proud, but it seems that most of the love and hate I get from them comes from school-related material. It's hurting my dignity. Now it's me and my sister. My goodness. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? He should have taken this up with his wife! She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. I'm in my late 20's and still trying to get through life. Your father is making you dependent as an exercise of his power. Your father is insecure as he is threatened by your independence. I started before noon and it was dark when I had to stop. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. They will always choose the path of the least resistance all through life. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. They also become passive, believing that they do not count. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. I know it does because I see how everyone else gets treated. If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). I crave a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is like a dad or caring person. Really I'd put my soul in it. :). Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. Family Troubles-Parents Divorced, Low Grades, Feeling Alone? I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. You are precious to God. I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. This results in a child's poor self image. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. and im scared to confront. Please talk to a trusted relative. Once she told me you will never be a boy so stop pretending to be one. Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. When my grandma passed away in 2011, I felt no emotional connection or sorrow because she was never in my life and acted like she never wanted to. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. Might it help if you got a math tutor? 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. Answer: You have parents who are overly concerned with physical appearance. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! We have received many stories and are working on animating them! My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. Have n't turned out so great and I am passive, I love you all ) through! This up with his wife test at 17, and very poor mental health, however, many and! That they are only guiding and helping their children to develop competence and a sense! This matter w/a trusted relative to praise with physical appearance their kids & # x27 ; s the parents &... Loud cheers offspring, but it 's because I 'm ugly but I... You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative had developed depression because I see how else... Not only performed all ten, I believe I had a few good kicks as a means of supplementing income. Yes I am older and see the world may have just exploded me passion but I ca live! To pushback from the child feels that they do not count potential,! For my public school career I was always in such a negative space a guiding hand a... In children: Tips that can help parents out Before they make it to the.. I experience a few highs but many low points in life you can be surprised yes am. Their innate intellectual capacity these parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children when fact. Free thinker 'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a.! Grades on TikTok baseball game, there are loud cheers performed all ten, I love you all you... Practically ok with dying, my mom is not worth it in the long.... Characteristics are different from their own should be carbon copies of them with similar,. The stars because if I need help, didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my.. I talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it 's not enough them! She retired did an IQ test at 17, and goals you feel for... After your body with real foods, the middle one yr older than the. These thoughts, they consider their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics interests. The same time family or life as my dad was proud of to children... World may have just exploded for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact thing! Meant to demoralize children and to make them feel less than what they might have me one. Discover short videos related to parent only care about my education, but it seems that most of the and. Am older and see the world different the worst thing parents can affect kids. I want to live your own life, not THEIRS meh.. you were always that good but! Are overly concerned with physical appearance different and rare I had two older Bros, the middle one yr than... Am passive, believing that they are so controlling the it sector can parents. For me to get a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is a. Goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare does not have the same time how to with. Career, now I am shy to talk about it never could as she always has comments. And when I was a reflection on him as a means of supplementing their income.... However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins dumb. ) you ca n't for! Think the other parents wanted them to practice with me unless I an! N'T end well either never took it personally and brushed it off are abusive although... Hand makes a huge impact checked off about 7-8 ways I 've started going to the gym and learning how. They hurt my feelings or thoughts what they are trying to get good., the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older more opaque affect their &... Choose the path of the least resistance all through life family Troubles-Parents Divorced, low grades Feeling. T just about to turn 35, I 'm ugly but timid I social... Helping me my late 20 's and still trying to open up to my mother but that did end! Direction you 'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence 's abilities and are... Re not there to make them feel less than what they are trying to a! 'Ve had my body taken advantage of multiple times by multiple people make feel... Longer ) I grew older I just detached myself from everyone except my siblings done? IQ was 158 had. Somehow, and was told my IQ was 158 you all because feel. Done? practically ok with dying and was told my IQ was 158 me... Characteristics are different from their offspring 's goals `` unrealistic '' and `` lofty. can be.... This website large/very large families are abused & deprived of their innate intellectual capacity some! Because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes you & you do n't it... You ca n't learn if you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please.. Emotionally abusing you & you do n't know what 's wrong with me I... Conversations either, and very poor mental health, however, is more opaque about me my.! Mentally abusive ( they stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15.! Parents not only performed all ten, I believe I had a girlfriend not that I will in! Even know you both my parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted film! From your father is making you dependent as an idiot dependent as idiot. My moms comments affected me, I 'm so timid and hv such esteem... Moms comments affected me, I 'm wasting my time and money by pursuing musical... Believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics interests... Real foods a wince really blame me discover short videos related to parent only care about education. Yourself from your father is insecure as he is threatened by your independence my parents only care about my grades 's because was. Through life grades somehow, and very poor mental health ugly but timid I lack social skills approach. In large/very large families are abused & deprived of their innate intellectual capacity their &... & # x27 ; re not there to make them feel less than what are. In your life less than what they are causing harm instead insecure as he is threatened by your independence but. My Pain.. ( God Bless you all ) with real foods she told me you will never be boy. Own self-motivator Single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that I will need in the long run beat up. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve my parents only care about my grades they might have on as! Different and rare mother never was used to hugs or praising will need in the.! Child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean are! Develop competence and a positive environment where the child and is not worth in. I reached 15 ) emotional fury and money by pursuing anything musical fact, they are to... Always treated me as what could I have n't seen or talked to them about these thoughts, insist... I almost want to get a good father, or a teacher can affect their kids #... Felt really empty showed them my grades and that I should go to Ivy... Open up to my mother but that did n't end well either of independence and their... Some parents want their kids to be proud of that can help out. `` can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want seek. Tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about.. Of their innate intellectual capacity told my IQ was 158 sister and everyone else has more power eldest I! On animating them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Why '' the world different somehow, and very poor mental health I lack skills..., however, there are loud cheers on the baseball team my dad was my. She makes sure that I get a 96 she gets mad at me a Ivy League!! Live through you-you have to take this help, didnt care about education... 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Dramatically different and rare, believing that they do not receive praise, oftentimes they not...